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Colossians 3 verses 18 to 21

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.
20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is pleasing in the Lord.
21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, so they will not become disheartened.


Wives, submit to your husbands – meaning that although the wife is equal to her husband in her value, equal in her standing before God, and equal within her human nature (with the exception of physical strength – 1 Peter 3:7), yet she is commanded to voluntarily be subordinate, to be subject, and to obey her husband.


This Greek word for “submit” was used as a military term meaning to arrange under the command of a leader.   Eph 5:22-24, 1 Peter 3

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, 5:23 because the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church – he himself being the savior of the body. 5:24 But as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

This command is for the woman to submit to her own husband and not to every husband.

The wife should not submit to her husband if he asks her to do anything that is sinful.

Discussion Questions:

Why do you think God designed the wife’s role in this way?

Why do you think our society and the some in the church are against this command?

What should submission look like if there is a strong disagreement?

What does submit in “everything” mean?

The husband and wife’s rank was determined by the chronological order of their creation.

1 Corinthians 11:3 (NET) 3 But I want you to know that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ….7 For a man should not have his head covered, since he is the image and glory of God. But the woman is the glory of the man. 8 For man did not come from woman, but woman from man. 9 Neither was man created for the sake of woman, but woman for man. 10 For this reason a woman should have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. 11 In any case, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. 12 For just as woman came from man, so man comes through woman. But all things come from God.


as is fitting in the Lord – meaning the submission of the wife to her husband is proper and orderly as the Lord desires.  Titus 2:5

Titus 2:3 Older women likewise are to exhibit behavior fitting for those who are holy, not slandering, not slaves to excessive drinking, but teaching what is good. 2:4 In this way they will train the younger women to love their husbands, to love their children, 2:5 to be self-controlled, pure, fulfilling their duties at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the message of God may not be discredited. 

Husbands, love your wives – meaning that the husband is welcoming and fond of his wife. She is dear to his heart.

He is to love her as himself.  He is to nourish and cherish her.  Eph 5:25-29

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her 5:26 to sanctify her by cleansing her with the washing of the water by the word, 5:27 so that he may present the church to himself as glorious – not having a stain or wrinkle, or any such blemish, but holy and blameless. 5:28 In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 5:29 For no one has ever hated his own body but he feeds it and takes care of it, just as Christ also does the church, 5:30 for we are members of his body.

He should treat her with consideration.  He should honor her as a joint heir of the grace of life.  1 Peter 3:7

1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, in the same way, treat your wives with consideration as the weaker partners 11 and show them honor as fellow heirs of the grace of life. In this way nothing will hinder your prayers.

Discussion Questions:

What does it look like for a husband to love and honor his wife in day to day life?

Name examples of how to treat your wife with consideration as the weaker partner/vessel?

How can a man (or a woman) love their spouse if they are doing sinful things?

and do not be embittered against them – meaning the husband should not be angry and irritated with her.

Children, obey your parents in everything – meaning children should listen and submit to everything that the parent asks of them with the exception of sinful commands.

for this is pleasing in the Lord – meaning the obedience of children to their parents is fully agreeable and acceptable to God’s will.

Fathers, do not provoke your children – meaning do not stir up or excite their emotions intensely and to an extremely high degree.

Do not physically or verbally abuse them. Do not withhold their physical needs. Do not suppress their opportunity to thrive in life. Do not condemn them.  Do not scream at them, but speak firm and calm.

Reasonable discipline, firm expectations and consequences, and controlled and appropriate corporal punishment is encouraged and should not be neglected.

Discussion Question:  How can parents control their anger / rage when children or teenagers are acting really bad or when there is an intense disagreement?

so they will not become disheartened – by provoking the child beyond measure, the results will have the opposite effect of that which is desired. Instead of becoming encouraged and thriving in life, they will become discouraged, without enthusiasm, broken spirited, and dismayed.

Listening Prayer method – a method where you write what you think God would say to you after meditating and studying a Bible passage.

Will God’s Word Transform the Family?


In your marriage, many of these things you always knew and practiced, and some of these things you learned too late.  It was the same way with your fathering – much you knew early and did right, but many times you failed.

I’m glad you are finally diving into My word.  Let My words transform your mind and actions.  But where were you 10 or 15 years ago?  It would have been different if you would have dedicated the time to understanding the counsel of My word.  You will receive rewards for the good you have done.  You will also be held accountable for you faults.  Know that you and each family member will be held accountable individually.

But now look forward.  Allow your mind to be transformed by My word and live differently.  Repent of your faults and strive to live My word.  You may marry again.  There is still fathering to do.  You are still a son to your parents.  Take what you have learned and live the rest of your days.

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this present world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may test and approve what is the will of God – what is good and well-pleasing and perfect.

1 Corinthians 3:11 For no one can lay any foundation other than what is being laid, which is Jesus Christ. 3:12 If anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, or straw, 3:13 each builder’s work will be plainly seen, for the Day will make it clear, because it will be revealed by fire. And the fire will test what kind of work each has done. 3:14 If what someone has built survives, he will receive a reward. 3:15 If someone’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss. He himself will be saved, but only as through fire.

2 Corinthians 5:10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ,  so that each one may be paid back according to what he has done while in the body, whether good or evil.